Phat Milk

It is pretty easy to miss Phat Milk, perched on a busy intersection of a fairly daggy part of Mount Alexander road. Similarly, the name had me conjuring images of some kind of milk bar or convenience store. I have walked past the cafe at full speed enroute to Ted’s favourite frisbee arena (aka the dog park) a thousand times and not given it a second glance. Then one day Ted decided to …ah…toilet… right outside. As I was politely looking away (a man needs his privacy) and getting my baggy ready for scooping, I happened to notice a big shiny coffee machine and a display full of cakes. 

When I got home a quick Google revealed quite an extensive menu. Intrigued, I returned with a friend, sans Ted (given that he had disgraced himself), for brunch. 

My first concern was that the place was tiny – would we get a table? Turns out it is a bit of a Narnian wardrobe ( or Tardis – apply your fantastical metaphor as you will ), once past the front counter and cake display, a narrow hall takes you into a large back room. I fell in love with this area – murals on the wall and a blend of cottage chic furniture from different decades, it is just the kind of quaint decor that settles my soul.

                                                                    Oh look, it’s Aslan

Giant coffees are also good for the soul.

Especially when they are still beautifully strong despite the risk of disrupting the milk:coffee ratio in the larger cup.

The menu made me want to come with a group so I could try some of everything. There is a Middle Eastern influence courtesy of the owner’s heritage, allowing for a lovely variety of options. Dishes like ‘Polenta hotcakes with berries and whipped Nutella Mascarpone’ had me swooning, but an incident involving a jar of Nutella and a spoon the night before, meant that I needed to investigate the healthier options.

Like the Middle Eastern ($16)

Silky scrambled eggs, lovely tender home-preserved olives, beetroot relish, humus, herby zataar bread, a creamy ball of labne (gosh I adore labne) and the best damn falafel balls I have ever tasted. Ever. Indulge me to carry on about the falafel a little longer? So crunchy on the outside and so finely textured in the middle with the perfect balance of spices, including a dash of  cinnamon. Life altering.

My buddy went for the Vegetarian Breakfast ($16)

Here plate was loaded up with all the vitamins of the rainbow – roast tomato, mushrooms, a perfectly poached egg, and a cauliflower and almond milk purée. Underpinning all this was a hefty slice of kale and pumpkin loaf – dense and moist with sweetness from the pumpkin and the herbal character of kale. A very clever little invention.

The service was lovely and friendly. We did that annoying thing where we were too busy talking to look at the menu, and the second time the waitress check on us I joked that I needed ‘one and a half minutes’. Pretty much that exact time later she returned to take our order.

I will definitely be returning to Phat Milk, I absolutely want to work my way through the breakfast menu and then move on to burgers and Lebanese dumplings for lunch. An absolute gem.

Disclosure: This post is part of a collaboration with Moonee Valley Council. The cafe was chosen by me, the review was conducted anonymously and all food and drinks were paid for.